Being newly married, dating my now husband forced me to face my fear of commitment. I knew that commitment to marriage was good, because I knew that God created marriage. But, deep down, I feared that commitment was a form of oppression and believed that choosing marriage would be an act of courage.
However, as God opened my eyes to the endless limitations and boundaries that have already been placed on my life (most of them by Him), I began to not only have faith that God’s limitations were good, but began to see how boundaries and limitations are actually the doorway to excellence.
Genesis 1 and 2 relates the account of God creating the heavens and the earth. God’s creation brought into being incredible beauty and endless potential. But, in order for God to create all of that beauty and potential, He had to simultaneously define limitations that would govern all of His creation.
Genesis 1:4 “And God separated the light from the darkness”
Genesis 1:9 “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered into one place, and let dry land appear”
Genesis 2:15-17 “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
From this account, we see God placing limitations on His creation through the laws of nature as well as through His commands regarding our behavior. The limitations set through the laws of nature cannot be broken. The limitations set through his commands can be broken, but not without consequence. Both the laws of nature and God’s commands were imposed upon His creation because they were good.
Genesis 1:31 “And God saw everything he had made, and behold, it was very good.”
God determined the life and existence we would have on earth, the bodies we would have, and our physical and mental capabilities. We didn’t get to choose. These things were determined for us and are God-imposed boundaries that place limitations on us. But, as much as they limit us, these same boundaries promote excellence. It is the limitations themselves which allow for our potential to be activated. They force us to make the most out of the life that we have been given. Think about it in your own life. When you have too many hobbies, you may not excel in any of them. But, if you limit your hobbies, you will find that you can become very skilled in a specific area.
Now imagine that on a grand scale. Imagine the lack of excellence that would be achieved in an unlimited world. If we could easily switch to some other form of existence or non-existence, we wouldn’t be compelled to put so much effort into the specific life given to us. But, because we have essentially no other option than to live within the limitations of our bodies and mind, we are forced to live in a focused manner, allowing ourselves to discover the meaning and joy that our life can bring.
So, just as we were brought into the world with a predetermined set of limitations, we can choose to implement boundaries and limitations for ourselves in order to promote more excellence within our lives. We call this commitment.
Just as our very existence has God-imposed boundaries that last the entirety of our lives, marriage is intended to be a self-imposed boundary – commitment—that we hold ourselves to until we die. If you treat marriage like it can be ended, then you will never feel compelled to make the most out of it. And if you aren’t compelled to make the most out of the marriage, you will never achieve the kind of “excellence” in your relationship that is possible. So, if you want the “most-excellent” relationship, you need to commit. An excellent relationship isn’t found by keeping your options open. It is found by finding a good partner, and then taking away all of your options.
This new realization helped me to see that although being wary about brashly committing to things is wise, my deep fear of commitment came from three things.
- A sober view of the meaning and finality of commitment
- A failure to see the boundaries that already govern us
- A lack of deep understanding about the ways in which limitations make our lives better and promote good.
I always understood that committing to marriage would leave me no outs. I knew that after my vows, I could not break my word. But, it wasn’t until I began to see that my entire existence was defined by wonderful, God-imposed boundaries, that I could enter into a self-imposed boundary without having to feel courageous in doing so.